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Chronicles of Boredom

i'm back!!

i'm back!!

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Bianca and Maggie
guys, i'm so excited, i'm like bouncing off the walls!

my appointment with rheumatologist today was AMAZING... and not 'cause i didn't get bad news, 'cause i did, but i'll get to that eventually. i think today was so awesome because it's the first time that i've fully realized how far along i've come when it comes to "fixing" myself. i fucking LOVE rheumatologist... she sat there talking to me forever about how i really felt, the difference between my moods when i'm on and off the narcotics, just anything and everything that's going on with me to make sure that i'm doing well. she's just like, one of those one in a million doctors who actually care about how you're doing as opposed to how much money they're making because they're a doctor.

so the first thing we had to talk about was the pain. the pain of course tied in with the depression, so we spent a lot of time talking about it. i told her that i needed to go back onto some type of painkiller because i had trouble just leaving the house. see, when you have chronic pain, it also causes chronic fatigue and weakness. so not only was i in pain, i was completely worn down. before we started talking about what i should start taking for the pain, we talked about my depression. she could tell immediately that i was doing much, much better than i was last month. i then explained to her that in the past month i was much more concerned with fixing the depression problem than i was about fixing the pain issue, 'cause i knew that at least some of it was related. she fully agreed and told me she was amazed that i had gone a month without being on anything for the pain.

then we started talking about what we should do for the pain. she suggested that we do a lower dosage of the oxycodone (percocet) and i told her that i really wanted to stay away from the oxycodone. again, i don't want to be on it again unless i have to have surgery (which is another thing i'll get to). so i suggested that we move down in the narcotics classes and try the hydrocodone (vicodin). guys, i had to... i knew that darvocet just wasn't going to do it. she agreed that we could try the hydrocodone, but she warned me that it definitely wasn't going to get rid of all my pain. i told her that i knew the ramifications of not being on a stronger narcotic, but i had thought really long and hard about it, and i felt that the mental and emotional benefits outweighed the physical ones. then we had to talk about the dosage. she said that we could either do one to two tablets (5mg) every six hours or we could do one tablet every four hours. i told her i wanted to try the lower dosage, so we decided on one tablet every four hours, and if that doesn't work out, i'll give her a call and we can try the other dosage. i'm pretty sure that i'll be fine though. i knew when i went in there that my main goal wasn't killing all the pain... my main goal was to kill some of the pain so that i could lead a normal life but still be able to keep a clear head.

of course, there always comes that point during the appointment in which we have to discuss the bad news. the first thing we talked about was the x-rays of my feet. i do have avascular necrosis in both of my feet, but it's worse in the right foot. this is pretty much exactly what i told her was going on before i had the x-rays done and we talked about how i can tell the difference between different pain issues... like how fibromyalgia pain is different from AVN pain. that wasn't the worst news though. she told me that she wanted me to see a different orthopaedic surgeon who specializes in shoulders, and start really considering getting my shoulders replaced. pretty much the very last thing i want to be thinking about right now is more surgery, but both rheumatologists were pretty adamant that i should get my right shoulder done. apparently they've been going over my x-rays lately, which i was unaware of. then main rheumatologist said that it must hurt if i roll over in the middle of the night, and i had to admit that yes, i often woke in the middle of the night because pain. so, they're right... i'm gonna wait for the receptionist to call me back with an appointment and i'm gonna see this specialist and start thinking about getting my right shoulder replaced. as of right this second though, i'm gonna try not to worry about it too much. at the end of the appointment, main rheumatologist told me she was proud of me and i told her i didn't do anything. then rheumatologist told me that i had done A LOT and i had come a long way. it just made me feel really good about myself and the decisions i'm making.

after my appointment, i went to CVS to get my prescription filled. i was standing there for like 30 seconds, when suddenly this guy comes up from behind me, grabs my arm, and then says, "security." i freaked the fuck out and turned around. it was my uncle danny. he's such an asshole. he asked me what appointment i had just come from and what i had to get filled. i told him all about my adventure in rheumatology and he told me that he was glad i made the decision to stay away from the oxycodone. we talked while we waited for our prescriptions to be filled (which took forever) and i'm fairly certain i talked his ear off. i remember thinking, "do i usually talk this much?" i'm gonna take it as another sign that i'm feeling better.

unfortunately, now i'm home and i've got a whole bunch of time on my hands to think about a certain someone and potential shoulder surgery. i'm debating whether to tell grams about the whole shoulder thing right now or wait until later. she's gonna freak out and i just don't really wanna deal with it right now.

sorry for the book, but i've decided that journaling is now my release.
  • My 84-year-old grandmother just had her should replaced on October 20th and she's doing fine now. She said that she's feeling a lot better and everything too.

    Hey, if a REAL octagenarian can do it, you can too! =P
    • well, yeah, i know i CAN do it... i just don't WANT to do it. especially after my right hip replacement went so well.

      oh well. it's pointless to worry about it now. i don't even officially have an appointment with the orthopaedic surgeon yet. when i get the appointment, then i'll start worrying.
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